I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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