I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
