When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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