things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
