I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
