I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
