This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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