I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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