Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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