i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
