Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
