woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
