He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
