6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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