I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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