I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
