her vagine was all disorganized.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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