Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Randomize
