Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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