I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
