i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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