Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
