I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
