shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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