Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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