i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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