So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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