Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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