I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
