Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
