Pants 0. Shit 1.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
