The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
