weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
