She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
