He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
