I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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