My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
