Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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