I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
