My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
