and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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