We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
