My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
