u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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