I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
