I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
