Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
