Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
