While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just cropdusted the office
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
