dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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