I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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