Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
