you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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