Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As shirtless as possible
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
