i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
