Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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